Mental Convolutions

Another dimension of existence

2006-07-28T17:20:00.000+08:00

Due to technical difficulties, my new blog is now at

http://subdis.blogpot.com

Why?

2006-07-22T18:47:00.000+08:00

I have decided to feature a poem I wrote awhile ago :

Why?
11th February 2006

What is
The point of building our tomorrows,
if it becomes all but a forgotten monument
of yesterday?
or
Sincerity but a fleeting emotion,
cresting and crashing like the tides?
or
Hope but a will o wisp
blinding the naive
against the hand of fate?
or
Love but a cynical joke
that twists, tugs and teases
the strings of humanity?
or
Joy but a frail pink petal
that drifts in with the wind
only to be swept away
eventually
or...

Trepidations

2006-07-19T12:14:00.000+08:00

“Letting out the noise inside of me
Every window pane is shattering
Cutting up my words before I speak
This is how it feels to not believe”
Quoted from “Way Away” by Yellowcard.

Another melancholic moment is in its passing. The plunge of a droplet onto dark waters, its faint echo cascading through hollows. The world, and its inhabitants seem caught in a swirling vortex of a buzzing hive. I walk my ways with trepidation, neither knowing nor seeing the way ahead. Silence of a moment is a sliver of gold, glimmering tantalizingly yet so beyond reach. There is no turning back, my bridges are burnt. There is no staying put, I tread on molten ground. Yes, I have to push on, if hope is to be found.

Holding onto a vapour

2006-07-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

"Standing on a mountain high
Looking at the moon through a clear blue sky
I should go and see some friends
But they don't really comprehend"
Quoted from "Take Me To Your Heart" by Michael Learns To Rock.

A utopia in all its perfection and inspiring awe once rested upon the palm of my right hand. Life was a clear crystal, its opacity nil. In retrospect, that is how all things in the distant past seem from the valleys I traverse right now. The way ahead is not there, murkied by the thickets of life. Yet I must push on, with a vague idea on the tribulations awaiting unwary travellers.

Another Summer Perished Too Young

2006-07-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

"All our lives we had fun, we had Seasons in the sun
but the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach."
Quoted from "Seasons in the sun" by Westlife.

Another leaf falls, and yet another moment in life has faded into oblivion. The ravages of time only gains momentum with each fading leaf, a retrogradation being the coveted Holy Grail. However, I'll refrain from digressing into the contentious debate on time travel and focus on the topic at hand. How much has the world around me that I called my own proved far too fragile and ethereal for self-sustainment! In the twinkling of an eye, every illusion of grandeur shattered in a subdued implosion, its reverberations cascading down the corridors of history, barely perceptible only to those seeking for it. Sweet... Honestly, I miss the days of old, where life was a stroll and those who walked by me did so in tandem. Nowadays, I discover that those who march by me have stepped in from all walks of life. The uniformity of which I grew in and learnt to love has come to a cessation, as it is fated for all good things in life. No longer do I expect others to perceive and judge like I do, much less to speak in the same tongue. I belong, yet I do not. I am assimilated, yet so acerbic. Once again, I find myself out of rhthym with those who are pressing onto reaching elusive stars. Could those glimmering stars that we strive for so valiantly be a fading mirage in the bleak horizon? Farewell, my old friends. Farewell, my old life. Farewell, my old world.

The ironies of life

2006-06-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

"So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't"
Quoted from "Untitled" by Simple Plan.

A gift is a curse. I have ever since lost count of the number of times I have reiterated that phrase. The irony smoldering within it is never lost. That is, to have every action scrutinized by cynical eyes for simply being different is sheer bigotry. Yet it is within innate human nature to discriminate, whether civilization tames or accentuates that trait is debatable. Is it human’s nature to discourage deviations from normalcy very much like natural selection pressures on social animal groups to look almost identical? I recall a story that I read several years back. It goes along this line, a basket with crabs in it does not require a cover to prevent any escapades. Any crabs that attempt to crawl up the walls of the basket will simply be prevented from doing so because it will be pulled down by its fellow crabs. Therefore, no crab ever leaves the basket because the other crabs prevents such an event from occurring. I do not know the veracity of this tale, but its content certainly finds various parallels within humanity.

Requiem of a thousand friendships

2006-06-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

"I heard a voice last night
It said wake up and open your eyes
Wake up, walk out tonight
Cause she don't care if you're dead or alive”
Quoted from “Space Travel” by Yellowcard.

Yet as the sands of time drift away along with elements or by the sheer insistence of time itself, so must every bond that binds one to another be severed. All bridges carefully crafted over years, poured in with diligence and passion will eventually come crashing down in a cloud of decay, the journey initiates on a bed of roses but as fate should have it, every bond is destined to self-destruct, be it in a swift fiery inferno or a gradual demise that echoes whispers of neglect. When, and not if, such a time is to come into passing, bury the dead with dignity. The pain may fade, consumed by life, and one will speak of the death with less severity and perhaps, fondness as bitterness takes a backseat. Yet, it is taboo for one to revisit the dead by opening the tomb once again. Such a provocative act should only be viewed upon as desecration. Yes, such is a reality that one must accept.

Ramifications

2006-05-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

“This is dangerous
Open up your head feel the shell-shock”

Quoted from “Mindfields” by Prodigy.

Initially, the universe did not exist, and it is on this point that atheism and theism finds a bridge of coexistence. It is maybe erroneous to perceive that all matter is created out of nothing. Perhaps simply there was nothing to begin with, and there is still nothing at present. That is to say that all that you perceive is non-existent. In human terms, nothing can be represented with zero, or its numeric form, 0. To derive something from nothing is not an impossible task, and can be proven mathematically. Let us analyze this:

0 = nothing

And yet

0 = -1 + 1

Ergo, this simple equation proves that two simple elements can exist safely within the boundaries of what we know as “naught”, albeit the fact that the 2 element mutually nullify one another. It may seem contradictary that "something" can exists within "nothing" and yet mathematics have proven that it is possible. Well, so let me elaborate how this simple mathematical equation applies to real life. The universe that we perceive and dwell in could simply exist simply because of deviations from the point of nil. Interpolations of that fact will simply lead to the inescapable conclusion that an inversed universe (of the universe that we dwell in) exists. Eventually, as questions lead on to yet more questions, so is the same in this case. What unseen force prevents this opposing elements from nullifying one another? To the logical, perhaps a physical mechanism of force retains this precarious balance of power. To the theological, a divine sentient force.

Egoism as a life

2006-05-23T00:30:00.000+08:00

"These tears we cry
Are falling rain
For all the lies you told us
The hurt, the blame
And we will weep to be so alone
We are lost, we can never go home"
Quoted from "Gollum's Song" by Emiliana Torrini.

An angel of wrath walking amidst mortals stirring up strife and dealing out cards of discord. So we wish deep in our hearts indeed, seeking in vain for an explaination to a mystery which will perhaps never be defined. Perhaps there is a glimmer of hope, perhaps there is none. The mystery of egoism is aptly named after all.

The myth of parity

2006-05-12T02:17:00.000+08:00

"The whole world is watching with one blank stare
I can just sense this feeling of ill-repair
Like no ones heart is full enough
To keep away this fear
And no ones heart is strong enough to fix what happened here"
Quoted from "Words, Hands, Hearts" by Yellowcard.

An eternal moment of sweetness mingled in bitterness. A schism intertwining paradise and hades. That moment lingered on for the day, an ironical mix of sentiments coexisting. They should have annihilated one another instantly, but for some mysterious reasons, they never did. I stand here today as a recipient of a great honour, and yet as a witness to sheer injustice. Parity is a contorted myth indeed. Higher powers bind me from venting out any further thoughts for the day.

Lofty dreams on broken wings

2006-05-11T01:57:00.000+08:00

"And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete"
Quoted from "Go The Distance" by Michael Bolton.

If you don't understand what it means, I'm a JPA (Public Service Department) Scholar! The results were announced at midnight. I'm overjoyed, and yet kinda sad for a few of my friends who didn't make the cut. I hope they do make it through on appeal.

Retrogradation as progression

2006-05-09T02:01:00.000+08:00

"Everytime the rain comes down
Close my eyes and listen
I can hear the lonesome sound
Of the sky as it cries"
Quoted from "It's in the rain" by Enya.

Define:Mystery.

Result:Any matter that is hidden, secret, unexplained or inexplicable, beyond human knowledge or comprehension. (from Google)

Wait a minute, that sounds too gnostic, or rather mystical. But then again, more often or not an enigma that fits the mold emerges. What would constitute a mystery in today's age of enlightenment? UFOs? Nah, generic and dubious. Ghosts? Obsolete fear, at least to most people. In my opinion, the most enduring question that has plagued humanity is of course humanity itself. Humans have struggled to unravel this mystery via multiple channels including but not limited to religion, philosophy, ethics, and science. Thats anthropocentrism in the highest degree. By the way, anthropocentrism is a term often quoted to describe the mindset of humans placing themselves as central beings in relation to any given concept or philosophy. So what can we draw from all this? The journey that mankind has began to understand itself has led us nowhere. We are, after all no better than our forefathers epochs ago. To hell with the scientific breakthroughs of the renaissance til the digital age of present times! Morally, humanity is no more than a degenerated mass of goo. We may have eradicated smallpox, yet we are nowhere near reducing crime or strife. In fact, we accept crime as a byproduct of "development". So naive are we to believe that the deteoriation of humans is actually progress. Have not the science that humans devoutly worships birthed destructive weapons of magnitudes not witnessed since the dawn of mankind?

Redefining altruism

2006-05-08T01:42:00.000+08:00

"All that I wanted,
and I will be haunted,
this gift is my curse for now.”
Quoted from “Gifts and Curses” by Yellowcard.

A gift is a curse. Call it a double-edged sword, flip sides of a coin, dualistic nature of yin and yang, and other verbosities, it does not alter the paradoxical nature of a talent. Or talents, if you see it fit for yourself. With beauty trails envy, and to the worst extent, vilification. Oh, don’t we just love to hate those self-indulgent opulent rich! At least, that’s the light that we would rather view them in. I would like to state that I do not think that wealth is a talent, although the means of procuring it may have stemmed from it. However, I am just trying to portray an analogous situation of how we flawed humans react towards those we perceive to be “better”. A very caustic mix indeed. Nevertheless, perhaps by default humans are self-centered latently. Whateverso inherent altruism that emerges as an eventuality simply functions as a smoke screen for selfishness. In defining their answers and borders to that contentious conundrum, a substantial portion of the world reasons, “Karma”, another segment counters, “Retribution” while yet another advocates, “Atheism”. Do they all not travel in a circle and ultimately point to themselves as the sole beneficiary? So much for the goodness that is believed to exist within humanity.

Pardon my absense in the previous days. I was on holiday with my family away in Genting Highlands, City of Entertainment. Sounds corny, I know. “Entertainment” could very well be a euphemism for vice, but who cares in the society of this day. Vice and virtue? Are they not the same trait viewed from different perspectives in the corrupted dictionary of society?

Well, that is sufficient food for thought for the day. Goodnight fans.

Affinity to despair

2006-05-04T02:16:00.000+08:00

"Hope seemed like the summer birds
Too swiftly flown away"
Quoted from "When You Believe" by Whitney Houston with Mariah Carey.

Hope, as I have penned in a poem before, is a belief of a brighter future. A future of dreams achieved and ultimately, dwelling in an earthly paradise. Earthly paradise? An oxymoron at the very least, a perverted vision at the most. That opinion stated above is not mine, but rather a perception of humanity's misconception of hope. Hope is an illusion. It is nothing more than a mirage to deceive the unwary. To hope against all hope, to put it mildly, is to be blinded by the hand of fate. Of all the things in the universe, some are foreordained to remain unchanged, while others are subject to the whims and fancy of the elements. Truly, are you not naive to believe that the tide of fate will turn in your favour if it was never destined to do so?

Another routine day. Ate, slept, watched tv and surfed the net. However, in the continuing series of the Secret Bible Week on the National Geographic channel, todays topic was about the impending Apocalyse that will deluge the whole world from a biblical point of view. Nevertheless, I stand firm that prophecy must be fulfilled and the age of catastrophe will strike, whether in my lifetime or not, that is neither for me to know nor decide. On a lighter note, the CSI LV episode that I watched after that was gross. I will not elaborate the storyline here, but it will suffice to state that it was thoroughly unsettling to think that a mother and daughter can actually have a relationship with one man. The decadence of society of the current age knows no bounds. Spent many hours chatting as usual, and made several new friends. Ok, that's all for tonight. Goodnight my loyal fans!

Twilight over paradise

2006-05-03T00:54:00.000+08:00

"I close my eyes and try to see the world unbroken underneath"
Quoted from "Waiting for the World to Fall" by Jars of Clay.

The world is a broken place indeed. You will probably think I'm a deluded teen raging at the decadence and decay of society, but I'm not. Period. Simply because if you can read this, you are probably in the fortunate fraction of mankind to lead a luxurious lifestyle (by world standards anyway). Just run a simple google search using keywords like "poverty","AIDS" and "refugees" and you might just get my drift. We boast of our achievements such as our space exploration and mega structures and yet, how does that actually benefit the vast majority of mankind who scrape through daily on nothing more than crap, barely existing. Although we are the dominant species on this planet, are we here as no more than an abberation of nature? Just close your eyes and all these problems will evaporate in an instant. It really works. Honestly.

Certain thoughts and emotions can never be embodied as words. Not for a guy at least but I'll try my best. There are things which could be corrected if the clock was turned back, alas such powers are beyond the grasp of mortals. From this point, there are only 2 ways to voyage, end it right here and right now, or push forward in life. I prefer to think that only the foolish will opt for the former. Ergo, life is worth the living! So what did I do today? Just stayed at home as usual. Watched a National Geographic documentary on the Templar Knights. So many items were suggested as the Holy Grail, including the mummified head of Jesus and the notorious lineage of Jesus. Not surprising, seeing that Christianity is under fire lately. With the rise of the Da Vinci Code, Judas Codex and factions claiming that Jesus walked on ice, Nezntrqqba qenjf arne. ;)

Goodnight fans.

Purity, not parity

2006-05-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

"Yesterday was the worst day ever
And tomorrow won't be better
It's history repeating (on and on)"
Quoted from "The Worst Day Ever" by Simple Plan.

Every dawn culminates in dusk, every bud in dying petals. As moments of reflection slip through the sieve of time, the candle burns shorter. Are you moving ahead in life, or merely trudging around in circles? Nevertheless, even if we choose to forge ahead and build monuments for ourselves, we will find it come crashing down in our faces eventually according to the dictates of fate. This ties in to the fact that time is a dimension that mankind can only dream of wielding. However, this lofty dream will only remain so as challenging the fundamentals of this universe remain strictly in the realm of the Almighty. We cannot turn back the clock. As such, the decaying monuments built in ancient days remain as dusty tombs of forsaken civilisations. The same shall be for each and every one of us as the last flicker goes out.

Ok, another day is over. April has officially come to past. And yet, my routine is the same as ever. Spent most of the day online chatting and surfing as usual. Went to Subang Parade with my parents. I think I spent record time chatting today. Probably more than 6 hours. :) Ok that's all for tonight. Goodnight fans.

Drifting clouds over the horizon

2006-05-01T02:50:00.000+08:00

"I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone"
Quoted from "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Greenday.

Existence on the fringe. Most of us do not know what life is like living on the periphery. Yes, we live insulated blissful lives contained within a large spherical mirror. Therefore. all we can see is ourselves and our contained world. What should happen if this perfect bubble of a microcosm is burst? Sheer pandemonium. We will revert back to our primal instincts which is commonly referred to as the "fight or flight syndrome" but I prefer the adage "adapt or die". The latter is more appropriate in this situation however. Immutability is not a virtue indeed...

Highlights of the day? Went to Petaling Street to meet Benjie before he returned to Penang I have to say, KL has a lot of erm, interesting people. There was a raving lunatic, and old man who was talking to anyone walking past him. He was not the only lunatic I came across today though. Tonight.. what did I do? Chatted with a few friends, including Esther and Eu Sheng. Eu Sheng and I discussed about quite a number of topics.... I'm too tired to recall what are they but basically we were both bored. Haha.

All right, thats all for tonight. Goodnight fans.

Silver Moon Beams - Priceless

2006-04-30T02:40:00.000+08:00

"May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home"
Quoted from "May It Be" by Enya.

There are things in the world that can be quantified, yet there are others that elude being so. As for the latter, they cover the entire spectrum of emotions, benign or not. Ergo, I will begin my ravings for tonight by saying that emotions are fragile threads hidden behind the vast machinery that constitutes humanity. Truly, emotions are irrational and prone so simple manipulations, and yet mankind follows it on a leash. Why do we more often than not find ourselves enslaved by the heart? Perhaps the world will be a better place if humans thought using their heads but what can we do about it being flawed beings? History has proven countless times that the heart is more dominant than the head. Just some food for thought for tonight. :)

All right, I had a pretty busy day today. I had an unexpected call from Keane to go for lunch at about 1pm which was just as well since I was dozing off from boredom. We went to 1 Utama and ate Teppanyaki. It was nice, except for the tiny fact that I despise "tauge" - the english word slipped my mind, which was piled up like a hill on my plate (ok, so I'm making mountains out of molehills, pardon the pun). Yea.. so we were catching up on the good old days in schooling and what has transpired ever since. So, we kinda drew up the conclusion that life as a banana is no bed of roses. (To those who don't know what it means, just ignore that sentence)

After that, I rushed off to church for my weekly Youth Fellowship. Youths present there were relatively few owing to the fact that Labour Day is on May 1st, monday, which leads to many families taking off for holidays. Too bad I'm not one of them :( .

In the evening, met up with Benjie, in 1 Utama AGAIN. I really need to find somewhere else to hang out. After much deliberation, we decided to eat at Shakeys and the pizza there was very good. Thinking bout it makes me hungry right now... :) We discussed many thing over dinner, and I'll concede that IT is normal, ok Ben? ;) Gizmo was cool. All sorts of electric gadgets and toys which you won't find in your average toy shop. But then again, I doubt that toy shops are allowed to sell such items. Hahaha...

Ok its 2.36am so I'm signing off for the night. Goodnight fans.

Treading on sodden earth

2006-04-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

"If you’re gonna rip my heart out,
could you use a knife that’s dull and rust in color."
Quoted from "Avondale" by Yellowcard.

The topic for tonight's discussion will be, "How relevant are you?" Just carry out some simple arithmetic sums and you will realize how significant you are.

1. Count how many people who will be miss you if you were to disappear forever.
2. Count how many people who will be actually happy if you were to disappear forever.
3. Add the 2 figures that you counted in step 1 and 2 and let it be X.
4. Take X and divide 6 billion, yep 6 000 000 000. (X/6 000 000 000)
5. Multiply the figure with 100.
6. There you have it, the percentage of mankind that actually notices your existence.

So relevant are we huh?

Illusions of immutability

2006-04-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

"I'm looking for a bridge I can't burn down"
Quoted from "Happy is a yuppie word" by Switchfoot.

I came across this proverb before, or at least a variant of it. If memory serves well, it goes somewhat like this "Every man is an island, but there is no limit to the bridges one can build". Yes, I have to agree with the wisdom contained within this proverb is irrefutable. However, what the proverb fails to address is the durability of bridges. Regretfully, bridges that consume much precious time and energy in construction can all come crashing down in a blink of the eye. More often than not, they die a slow and silent death, unseen and forgotten. To put it simply, either via the dreadful squalls of life or persistent waves of time, these structures are fated to meet the grim reaper. A very painful fact to come to terms with indeed. Yet fewer tears are shed when fragile bridges snap before the tides with each passing epoch. Has the value of friendship that people once used to cherish as a lifeline declined to a mere marriage of convenience?

Anyway, went to Aquaria KLCC today. It was cool in some ways, it sucked in others. Let me start with what was cool. There was a huge frog there, almost the size of a football, and I'm not exaggerating. I wouldn't mind keeping it if I had a pond for it :) . For the first time in my life I saw a few Chambered Nautilus, which is an extremely unique deep sea creature (google it up if you are curious). However, to most of the visitors who lack basic knowledge in marine biology, it will probably be a magnificent trip. But not for me. It's hard to deceive a marine fish hobbyist for over 2 years about basic care and fish compatibility. Imagine puffers in a large tank with other docile fishes like clown fishes and tangs!!! (As an afterthought for those who have no idead what it means, it is equivalent to a zoo keeping wolves and similar predators with docile grazers like deers in an enclosure and expecting them to coexist peacefully) Their tails were nipped all over, looked lethargic and yet the guides pretended not to notice. I even saw a ray bleeding profusely! And yes, another thing, the tour guide was trying to con me into believing that a frog fish was actually a rare angler fish from the bottom of the sea!!! That takes the cake man. I predict that Aquaria KLCC will not last for long if nothing is done to revamp their maintainence.

Goodnight my fans.

Another forlorn moment too late

2006-04-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

"There’s a million mouths to feed
And I’ve got everything I need
I’m breathing
And there’s a hurting thing inside
But I’ve got everything to hide
I’m grieving"
Quoted from "I saved the world today" by Eurythmics.

Yes, that reflects my thought of the day. From the outside, everything seems to be going for me. At least, that's what I would perceive of myself tangentially. I do not feel the need to enumerate my achievements lest I be accused of having an oversaturated ego. Rather, most will be shocked to learn that the truth is quite the contrary. Oh, eternal is the internal strife within us! I would gladly point out that the popularity of modern pop and rock songs with themes that highlight our inadequacies and teenage blues is ample evidence of that. Another indisputable fact is that secretly all of us envy someone else, wishing we could be in his shoes, and I am no exception. Maybe, just maybe, we can find the slightest peace with ourselves if we learnt to be contented with ourselves.

Oh man.. back to life. ;) So what about today? I went to Ikano for lunch with my sister at 5pm. A little too late I know, but food is food. An absolute necessity in my humble opinion. :) Watched American Idol at 8pm and I'm rooting for Kellie Pickler. Nothing significant today except spent some time chatting with friends. Looks like I'm going to be a tour guide this weekend. Wheee :). Oh and before I forget, an interesting topic of discussion today was with Prof Sanjit again. He was given a very interesting assignment to complete, and it is related to the issue of unwanted babies being dumped indiscriminately. Literally, this brings the littering problem experienced in Malaysia to a new high. What's a piece of dog poo as compared to a squirming infant? Solution to problem? Stop screwing around but I guess that is out of question for certain people. Prof Sanjit would like to add that abstinence is the key.

[§ãńĵĩt §ingh] says:
in this day and age...abstinence is fast becoming a myth...as a results we see the increase of such social dilemmas such as the dumping of babies....if this problem is not addressed soon...it will mean the moral state of the citizens in our country will be like dat of the western nations who are already feeling the first effects of their easy culture
[§ãńĵĩt §ingh] says:
the asian values which we pride so much are slowly bein eroded and replaced by western culture..

It's getting late and I would like to conclude that the moral of the story is stop screwing around and please don't litter. Goodnight fans!

Running the mental treadmill

2006-04-26T00:34:00.000+08:00

"This is your life, are you who you want to be?"
Quoted from "This is your life" by Switchfoot.

Another day has come and gone. Nothing achieved, literally. Well, I've got nothing much to say except that the following are my thoughts for the day. So please, if you are groaning, close this window down, seriously. If you did not do so, then bear with me here. Am I where I really who and where I want to be now? Honestly, I'm afraid to answer that question and rather live in denial. As René Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am", I believe there are some grains of truth in that otherwise cryptic line. Anyhow, I am not interested in refuting that, which in turn leads on to another fundamental question, was I destined to go through this agony? I simply refuse to believe that the hand of the unseen One plays dice with the cosmos. I am a firm believer that all things have been foreordained to occur precisely as they do. So, this is my question for the day, why am I put through all this?

Today has been another average day, like any other, except that I did not get much sleep. I was woken up at 8 by my sis to send her MyKad to her. I was up chatting with people til almost 3am the previous night.. (you know who you are ;) ) Oh ya, I don’t know why my conversations with some people tend to veer towards “guy” topics. Sorry if I offended anyone (again, you know who you are ;) ) So that works to about 5 miserly hours of sleep last night. As a result, I’m feeling so dead and drowsy the whole day. Another thing, I went back to my school to help the Chess Club facing their MSSD tomorrow. It was the 1st time touching a chess piece in more than 7 months, and as you can guess, my skills have rusted. Ok before I sign off for tonight, we have a featured guest tonight. Let me share with you what Prof Sanjit was teaching me during his philosophy lecture:

[§ãńĵĩt §ingh] says:
we always forget datwhenever life closes a door, it opens a new one juz around the corner... its juz dat we keep staring at the closed door for so long we forget 2 look for dat new door waiting for us
[§ãńĵĩt §ingh] says:
if u do not change u can become extinct

*censored upon request*

Well, so what can you make out of his words of wisdom? I dare not state any further comments lest I feel his wrath. Hahaha. Please contact me if you wish to be featured on this blog.

Goodnight my fans.

Crap

2006-04-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

"What the hell is wrong with me,
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
And every night is the worst night ever"
Quoted from "I'm just a kid" by Simple Plan.

Good evening fans. Just another nightly rambling over here. I'm in no mood for philosophical crap tonight. Mood for the night : Mildly depressed. I've been drifting around for half a year, achieving practically nothing. It feels good.. yet it feels empty. Will I find what I'm looking for? Which is, nothing much actually. Wavering goals just don't make firm ground. I must be going mad....

Things I achieved today:
1. Go to 1 Utama TWICE... yep, two times today. Don't ask me why.
2. Eat
3. Sleep
4. Chat on MSN (ranging from childish bantering to intense discussion)
5. Surf the net (top site for today http://www.malepregnancy.com/ really stunned me, thanks Ben!)
6. SMS

That should be all for tonight.. Goodnight fans!

Mastery of deception is deceiving oneself

2006-04-24T01:50:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the inaugural post on this blog. I feel that I do not need to justify the reason for blogging, but a few of you can probably guess the reason why.

"Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart"
Quoted from "Reflection" by Christina Aguilera.

Welcome again to my nightly ramblings here. The topic to be dissected tonight here is "Persona". All in all, the word personality is derived from latin persona. The word persona in turn actually refers to the masks worn by actors in ancient Rome. What can we infer from this? The personality that you, yes,YOU, portray to society is nothing more that a superficial cover that can be discarded anytime.Rather, we choose to live with it, perhaps lowering it slightly in moments of extreme anguish. To quote the well known laureate Shakespeare "All the world's a stage" would be frivolous, but I'll state it for the sake of those who have never heard of it before. Most, if not all of us, drag on from one day to another, barely keeping our masks on, deceiving not only others but ourselves. Why the need for such pretense? Conformity in society which frowns upon any deviation from "acceptability" may very well be a driving factor in keeping up this pretense. Are we truly contented with this flimsy veil separating us from the world, and ultimately, each other?

Back to my daily life. What did I do today? Hm.. woke up.. ate breakfast at a coffee shop while listening to my parents discuss about the passing of Tun Ghafar Baba of which I immediately worried if my weekly favourite show Smallville would be disrupted before heading for morning church service. Fortunately it wasn't and the story today was great, although the scene of Clark Kent's mom getting "hamsap" and trying to hit on him was particularly revolting. Chloe's continued pretended ignorance of Clark's superhuman abilities is getting frustrating also... Grrrr.... What other highlights of the day? I'm too tired already to think through the whole day again (and I doubt I'll think of anything particularly interesting)...but I was just chatting and smsing with a few friends and one of them was telling me how "laku" he is (you know who you are :P ) . Hahaha.. just can't stop laughing thinking about it. Okay, I'm dozing off already, goodnight folks.